8 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR HUSBAND YOU LOVE HIM:
Men and women
experience love in very different
ways. Most people are not conscious of this as they go through their lives, and so they attempt to show their love to people of the other sex in the same way they want it shown to them, in the same way they think of it naturally, without considering how the other person views it.
There are certain things that are necessary to feel loved that are shared among
nearly all people, regardless of gender.
This includes things like time together, touching, communicating, and
other things of this nature. This
type of thing is worth of its own article, so for
this article, I'm sticking
with things that are either specific with regards
to wives with their husbands, or at least more
emphasized.
Women, if
you're reading this, realize that
just like you, a man doesn't
feel loved just because you say
"I love you". That doesn't mean
you shouldn't say it (you should), but you can't just leave it at that... and most men won't
tell you that they don't feel
loved. Many of
them don't even realize that is
what is bothering them, they just
know they aren't happy, and possibly
that it has to do with their relationship, but not be able to put it into a solid concept that they
don't feel loved.
I'm a man. I know that most of the things I need to feel loved, when they are boiled
down to basics, are the same for most other men. There may be a few here and there that one of the
things below do not apply to, or a few here and there where there is another
essential addition. If you are one of those men, and reading this, please add them in the comments. For the vast
majority,
however, I think this list covers the basics.
So, with no further ado, ladies, here are some basic ways you can show
your husband you love him.
1. Respect Him
The most
effective way to make a man feel
unloved is to disrespect him,
especially in front of others. If you have any desire at all to take good care of
your husband, and make him feel loved, do not ridicule him,
overrule him, or dismiss him in front of someone else. It's
bad enough to do it in private (you really do NOT need to use these methods... find another way to convey your message), but in public you might
as well slap his face.
2. Admire
Him
This is related to the first, but from the other side. Respecting him is more about avoiding disrespect than an overt display of respect. Admiring him,
on the other hand is explicitly
about conveying to him, by words or
gestures,
what it is that you like about him. This can be body language, like giving him
"elevator eyes" when he's
watching, if you like his body, or
it can be words, like telling him that
you love his sense of humor.
You should always make
sure that you use something
appropriate to the circumstances,
however... telling him you love his
sense of humor while you're at his father's funeral together might not be a good idea.
You also need to vary this, finding new (or infrequently used) little things to
tell him you like on a fairly regular
basis. If you have trouble coming up with stuff on
your own (are you sure you're with the right guy for you?), then just
instantly tell him when he takes an action you like... if he comes around and
opens you car door for you, and you like it,
tell him so. Always hearing the same thing, like "I love your sense of humor",
makes it lose its power for this. It gets to the point where he won't really
believe you, thinking you're just
saying it to manipulate him.
3. Let
Him "Overhear"
You Praise Him
This works wonders, but has to be used infrequently, and with caution. It doesn't
work, and can feel manipulative, if
you pretend like you don't know he's there, but he can tell that you
do. It's
much better, and safer, to ACTUALLY
praise him to others, and occasionally
he'll be nearby when you
do so, and
overhear it. This technique actually
works if you do it outright, too, as long as you don't over do it. That is, you can flat out say to someone "My
husband is great, he does X for me",
with him sitting beside you, and it will
make him feel like you respect and admire
him (see above).
4. Drop
Everything
This is a little thing that has major
effects. One of the most effective ways of showing someone you love
them is to make them top priority, to the point where you stop everything
you're doing, whatever it is, to
focus on them. That is, you step away from the computer,
let the baby play by herself, turn off the TV, stop cooking dinner, whatever it
is you're doing, and go to that person and specifically show them that
they are your central focus RIGHT
THEN. This is particularly effective
when you first see them after a
separation (ie when you
or they get home
from work, etc.).
5. Notice
His Strengths
This is similar
to admiring him, but specific to his strengths. That is, if it's hard for you to get the lid off the jar, and you know he can, go ask him, telling him something like
"I'm not strong enough to open this. Can you do it for me?". If his strength is math, ask him to calculate
the price per ounce of something (or a similar feat of arithmetic), telling him it's too hard for
you. Don't lie in this... he'll know.
Just make a point of asking
him to help anywhere that you know is
a strength of his that complements a weakness of yours. As noted, this can be physical or mental... "Can you move this for me,
I can't do
it?" or "Can you help me figure out how to word this?".
Just like admiring him, though, overuse of this in one
area tends to lower its effectiveness, eventually becoming more annoying than complementary.
6. Forgive His
Weaknesses
Your husband has his weaknesses. All men do, and all women, too, for that matter.
Do NOT use his weaknesses against him.
If you use them to try to manipulate him, if you bring them up
any time it's not absolutely necessary, he will start feeling like you don't
respect him in that area. This
applies to showing off areas where you are noticeably stronger than him,
too, unless it's somewhere
he feels he doesn't need to (or can't)
compete, which is generally areas
that are not considered masculine,
or areas where it is widely acknowledged that special talent is required, like singing.
7. No Comparisons
One of the worst things a wife can do is compare her husband to an ex, whether husband
or boyfriend. Doing so is bad even if
you are saying that your husband is better in some way. Men understand
that they were not necessarily the first person you were with, the first person you loved, but that
doesn't mean they want it brought into
their conscious awareness. And if
you compare your husband poorly, as
in he's not as good at this or that, then this is multiplied. You are disrespecting him, pointing out his weaknesses, AND reminding him that you were with other men before him. That's just asking to bring up negative emotions and associate them with
you.
8. No
Guilt Trips
It's a
classic, portrayed in uncountable movies and television shows... the wife
gives her husband a guilt trip until
he does what she wants. Manipulating someone is a bad idea. Clumsily manipulating them is even worse, but manipulating them at
all is bad. This has two sides, in that
it's bad for both the person being manipulated and the one doing it.
The person being manipulated,
by definition, feels like he is having his power of choice taken from him. If
you feel that it's still completely your choice, then you are not
being manipulated. That
doesn't mean that someone isn't
TRYING to do so, but if you still feel like
it's entirely your choice, then they
are not succeeding. Now, for someone who DOES feel like their choice is being
taken from them, they will resent this strongly.
One of the most powerful motivating factors in a human life
is the desire to be free, to prove that you can make your own decisions, and
that those decisions matter. Messing
with this desire is playing with
fire... if the person you are manipulating notices
it, even later on, after the fact,
they will resent it.
Since, in this case, we are talking about your spouse, that means that resentment
is likely to be there, even if it eventually fades, as a factor when he thinks about you for the rest of
your lives together. It may be small,
maybe even so small that he's
not consciously aware of it, but it
will, none the less, be there.
Manipulating someone
is bad for the person doing the manipulation,
also. When you attempt to manipulate someone, you attempt to take some of their humanity
from them. They will, as mentioned above, resent
this, generally resenting even an
unsuccessful attempt. But it's
just as bad for the person doing it, especially if
they are doing it to their
spouse, because it takes away from your
concept of the person you're trying to manipulate as a person, an
individual, and instead turns them into more
of an object. Objects can be generally
counted on to have the same output when given the same input. Thinking of people in this way
robs them of their humanity,
their power of individual choice, making
you respect, and love, them less. Presumably,
if you're reading this article, that's not exactly what you have in mind.
So there you have it, 8 ways to show your husband
that you love him. Some
are things to actively do, some are
things to actively make sure you DON'T do, but when they are all put together, and included with the things that all people need to feel loved, your husband will
know, and feel, that you love him.
